Bifgrab surveyed his forces spread out on either side of him; this was going to be good, He had loads of boys, loads of trucks and loads of guns. Today he was going to pull those flimsy ‘umie tanks to pieces and use the scrap to build a huge Stompa to smash more umies to get more scrap to build more stompas and smash more tanks and build more stompas and scrap more umies with stompas to get tanks…. Bifgrab was rudely awoken from his revelry by the sound of tearing metal as a tank shell came in through the side of the Battlewagon he was lounging in before battle kicked off, sped past his face and buried itself in the battlewagons fuel tank. Bifgrab had a fraction of a second to wonder where the shot had come from before his world became a gigantic fireball of burning death…
What’s going on?!? I hear you cry. Well, dear readers, the above is the opening to my latest Game at SELWG, my Orks against the Vassen 409th. As with last time my opponent has posted the battle report (HERE) and I stole most of the photos for my report from him in true Death Skullz Orky style…
The 409th brought their tanks to the field again, still a lot of tanks but many different variants from the last battle That’s what I’m loving about the Imperial Guard these days, there’s so much variety and the new formations really let you get fluffy, narrative driven lists onto the table which have chance to actually win games. My opponent had gone for the new Guard Decurion style formation and was fielding his tank commander “Deadshot” (Ne Paask) with some Leman Russ variant buddies, including the terrifying Demolisher and Leman Russ Executioner variants (which so recently chewed their way through my beloved Dark Angels) a load of Veteran guardsmen in Chimeras and a couple of Hellhounds.
On the side of the Glorious or Horde of the Mighty Bifgrab we had Bifgrab himself and seven of his biggest ladz in Mega armour in a battlewagon backed up by three trukks full of boyz (one being Burners), five bikes and three Deffkopptas on the right flank with two units of 20 boyz in the centre with a Wierdboy in one and flanked by a Deffdread fro some extra firepower. In the back field we had a Big Mek armed with a Shokk Attak gun, five Lootas and a unit of 10 Grotz to act as meat shields. My ace in the hole was a Blitza Bomma which would come screaming onto the field of battle and bomb the shit out of the Guard tanks with S10 Armour bane bombs of death. What could possibly go wrong?
We played Big guns never tire with the Vanguard deployment. Four objectives were placed, one in each deployment zone and two in the ruins in the centre of the board.
The 409th deployed first so they would get the first turn and many, many tanks were arranged in the ruins of the cityscape we were fighting over, including the two sneaky Hellhounds which were hiding perilously close to my very flammable army, ready to pounce and pour flaming torrents of death right into the heart of the Mobs. My set up was easier, everything with wheels on the right, foot sloggers spread middle to left and big gunz in a building at the back with some nice fields of fire.
With the opening shot of the game Deadshot glimpsed a flash of blue painted metal through the window of some ruins and aiming with the skill of an Imperial Assassin threaded the needle and sent a shell smashing into the side of my Battlewagon, which promptly penetrated the armour and blew the whole thing sky high. Yes, that was the
battle wagon I was relying on to get my hideously strong but hideously slow mob of Mega armoured Nobz into the fray, oh yeah and my Warlord was in it. Bugger. On the plus side everyone survived the blast and my Warboss left his now stricken Mega Nobz mob and jumped in the truck next to him that had the burna Boyz in it. Needs must and there was no way I was going to have Bifgrab walking all the way to the tanks…
The rest of the Guard’s shooting decimated the two Mobs of foot slogging boys and force a rapid rethink of my tactics. Actually that’s not true, my tactics stayed the same: Charge! So that’s what I did, sort of. The Boyz in their various guises surged forward and tried to get as close as they could to the guard while desperately trying to stay out of sight of the guns. The looters and the Shook Attack Mek did a bit of shooting but the best I could say was that they didn’t blow themselves up, which is always a blessing.
Bifgrab was not please, he’d regained conciousness in a mess of burning wreckage that had been his beloved Battlewagon and had had to jump in a ramshackle Trukk which was lugging the Burnas to the front. When Bifgrab was unhappy he liked to smash stuff and what he really wanted to smash was some stupid umie tanks, preferably the one which had tried to blow him up. The air was full of a mixture of shouts of glee as the boyz surged forward and curses of pain as shells exploded amongst his boyz and their vehicles. Bifgrab’s head hurt and he could feel pressure building behind his eyes… He knew what came next… Bifgrab opened his fanged maw and through a fog of scorched air and rage he bellowed “WAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!” the cry echoed around the battlefield as it was taken up by his ladz all over and the army surged foreword on wheels, trakks, rotor blades and feet…
Turn Two –
The guard continued to rain shells, las rounds, plasma blobs and an orbital bombardment laser into the ranks of the orks. The left flank of foot slogging boyz now lay in complete tatters, a number of the bikerz had met a suitably fiery exploding end but bizarrely there were still enough boyz on the table to keep the hope alive. By the end of the shooting phase the Weirdboy had broken and ran towards the edge of the board, not surprisingly as he was the only survivor of over forty boyz on that flank, the only surviving Biker (the Nob) had decided that maybe he needed to make a move back to base for repairs and also headed at full speed towards my table edge and I only had one truck still operational (this was my truck with the Warboss in however, hehehe…)
My turn now. Yeah, you guessed it… WAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!! Cutting a long story short most of my army surged forward and engaged as many tanks as they could in combat, the Trukk boyz on the right having abandoned their burning husk of a transport vehicle charged a Chimera and pulled it to pieces gleefully as a slightly surprised mob of veterans was forced to disembark.
The Warboss and his unit of Burners managed to charge both the hated Demolisher and the last Hellhound in one go and were backed up by a Mob of Trukk boyz (again ousted from their vehicle) who slammed into the Chimera, after a frenzy of shouting boyz clanging their Choppas on the Hellhound it gave up the ghost and fell apart. The Warboss meanwhile? He punched the demolisher repeatedly with his power claw and it blew up in his face, there was a theme developing here…
Things were starting to look better for our Heroic Deathskullz.
Turn Three –
Despite causing havoc amongst the first line of armoured might the Orks, particularly the Warboss, were no slightly on the exposed side. This was borne out as the Guard unleashed hell and shot everything they had at the Greenskins, well…nearly. Six tanks. Six whole tanks. Six of the Emperors finest battle tanks, including the terrifying Leman Russ Executioner and Deadshot’s own Vanquisher poured fire into the Warboss and his new retune of burners. All the burners died, pretty much in the first salvo, but the warlord endured. Bullets pinging off his armour and the few shots that got through that lodging uselessly in his Bionic bitz (I’ve never made a feel no pain test, this turn I passed two!) He did suffer two wounds but that left him with one and when the 409th ran out of guns that could see him one was all I needed. My Warboss laughed and laughed and readied himself for his next move.
My turn came and somehow I was in control of three of the objectives, had killed two Heavy support choices (for an extra victory point each). This should be in the bag. Still, no reason not to charge headlong into the teeth of the enemy just to see what happens. The Warboss charged into a nearby Leman Russ, hoping to pull important bits off it without it exploding in his face and taking his last wound. In the centre the boyz bimbled around the ruins, obviously tired after smashing up the tanks and my lastly surviving trukk made a 24” charge into the side of a Chimera and rammed into it! What happened, nothing? The trukk bounced off and lost a hull point, but it was fun! My Warboss finished the game by destroying another tank and not dying in the ensuing explosion, again!
Vassen 409th – 5vps
Bifgrab’s Deathskullz – 11vps
Orks win!!! I would add however that we only had time for three turns. If we had gone on longer all sorts of things could have happened, including my Blitza Bomma actually turning up (that’s right folks, no sign of the plane this game, he must have been holding his map upside down) but most likely the guard would have pounded the last remaining Orks to tiny smears of green mush in the ruins…
Bifgrabs anger had subsided. He’s vented his rage on a couple of big tanks and was now wandering away with armfuls of scrap. Next battlewagon he would build would have more armour or maybe he would just get a few more of them to ride around in. Shots continued to bounce off his armour as he wandered off but he could tell the umies hearts weren’t really in it. Ever since they’d shot at him with all that firepower and he’d shrugged it off Bifgrab was sure they’d stopped trying, he’d seen the look of frustrated dismay (or constipation, you never can tell with umies…) on the face of the Umie Warboss and laughed. Today had been a good day; they’d had a massive punch-up with the Umies and nicked loads of bitz for the scrap heap. It was a shame that Bomma never bothered turning up but he would amuse himself later by strapping the pilot onto the front of a trukk and smashing into things until bits fell off him…
My Warboss rules! Will he stay this invincible throughout his career? Who knows but I look forward to finding out. After he survived being shot at by nearly all the tanks (I exaggerate only slightly…) and surviving I feel can legitimately give him Da Lucky Stikk piece of wargear without feeling like I’m just doing it for effect.
Weirdboyz? I’m probably not going to bother again; he did nothing and ran off the board. Dull waste of points really, which is a shame cos he should be fun and explodey.
Vanquisher cannons crewed by expert Guardsmen generals who prefer to kill Orks hurt when they hit you. Unless you’re my Warboss, in which case you laugh when they shoot at you and then you wander off…
Some more photos from this epic clash (again,stolen from my opponents excellent blog) –