From the nibmble fingers and less nimble mind of Dwalin Weissbeerson Espressoshield III… a bunch of stuff written to amuse and, most likely, bemuse.
You’ve read this post here already I assume, so, urm… no back story in this post! Just pure, unadulterated, solo Role Playing…. ooo yeahhhhhhh.
If you havent read that post, I don’t know what to say….
Alright guys; cracking into the epic ‘Sorcery!’ we first learn a bunch about what this quest is about; there’ a magical crown that helps unite and progress kingdoms, it basically does what Coca-Cola thinks they do; globalises and unites countries under a single banner whilst uniting them to a single economic force, which is TOTALLY FUCKING COOL (of course) because it spreads happiness and Joy (just like vanilla Coke. Don’t you judge me! – Bifur).
This crown is in the land of our adventurer and, well, it gets nicked by some dodgy evil archmage dude… what a prick. In my analogy is this like pepsi trying to take hold? Who the fuck knows… what we do know is WE’VE GOT TO GET THAT CROWN BACK.
Now this quest takes place over four books; the adventurer you create starts at the beginning of book one (‘The Shamutanti Hills’) and, if they survive, they progress on to the next book; repeat until adventure complete.
Character creation is super simple; some dice get rolled and added to a pre-ordained number and you have some points for Skill, Stamina and luck… these points are then what all subsequent dice rolls relate to… cushty (wow, don’t think I’ve ever used that word.. what have you guys done to me!)
You pick where your character goes, what your character does etc. etc. The book is effectively the GM; whatever you pick corresponds to something the book stipulates, whether that’s turning to a paragraph or rolling a dice… super simple, but super fun (well, from what I remembered anyway).
In this series you can decide to be a warrior or a wizard; the focus is on Wizarding, but you have to memorise spells ‘cos you can’t take the spell book with you! I guess the more you play this the more spells you’ll remember and, well, the better you will get in real life and… well that takes us down a whole meta-adventurer path that I quite frankly can’t be bothered to go into in this post… maybe next time.
So… let’s get questing.
My first adventure in the ‘Shamutanti Hills’ yielded this as a character…..
His name is… Prangra Kiqelliu… well, that’s my name if I’m the adventurer. I guess… oh dear, that Meta thing is happening again… GO AWAY META-ADVENTURE.
I leave my village and walk through the foothills, eventually I come upon a traders outpost and a dude with ginger hair and a beard comes up to me; he’s about 5ft and seems kind of gruff. I am not fucking impressed but, let’s face it, I don’t want to get punched in the face so I’m polite. I ask him his advice on going forward and he mutters some crap, but says I better pay him for the good information; he wants two gold… do I pay him? Fuck no – I call him a prick and wander on.
Now I’ve already eaten back at home and, you know, it’s not been long, so I feel all good… limber and such like, so I don’t bother eating. I’ve only got two meals, gotta look after them hey (hmmm, am I looking stingy?)
I keep going….
Eventually I find my way into some pretty barren place and choose to wander a bit; I’m told it’s now night but, you know, I’m a strong lad and decide to go on… oh wait, what’s that there?… IT’S A FUCKING WEREWOLF. Shit shit shit shit shit… I better fight it.
I hack and slash and…. much like all of my dice rolls in every other game I play, ever… I get beaten to shit by the werewolf.
I do eventually kill him though (I had to use a couple of luck points, but was lucky on all the luck rolls so did extra damage- yay), but I’m down to about 5 life points…. Heading back to the wandering I find out that A) I lose two stamina for wandering without resting. That’s 3 left…. oh and, you remember I didn’t eat, well apparently that was a mistake and I lose a further 2 stamina points (though I just realised I should have counted eating in the village as eating during the day… I think; was the wording if you chose not to eat, or was it if you didn’t eat? HMMMM).
Well I’m at one stamina… I feel like I might die soon.
I keep wandering and see a bunch of sticks with a bunch of heads on top – goblins, humans, things I don’t know… yup, that’s pretty fucking horrifying. Apparently some of them are even rotting; I better be careful. There’s also a giant warning X thing; seriously now, I really better be fucking careful.
I wander a bit and see a place I can eat; you know what I feel like I might be getting into a fight soon and on 1 stamina I’ve lost that shit if I don’t eat so, well, it’s meal time… I’m then told a bunch of birds (gulls of some kind) fly off in a flock and I’m offered the chance to pack up lunch and wander on a bit more… I decide to eat…
A sharp pain is felt in my leg; in the trees there is a HEADHUNTER (it’s capitalised in the book) and, well, I’m out for the count. No dice rolls. Nothing. I’m just told that my head is now on a spike…
Well… I got nowhere in this one. Fingers crossed I get further next time… STAY TUNED!
Freud judges those who fail to pay attention to proper nutrition.